It’s no secret to my friends (or anyone else willing to listen) that I hated the recent live action Transformers film. I didn’t hate it because I’m such a hardcore Transformers fan that I hate ANY change, I hated it because it was a bad film. Badly directed, bad robot designs, badly placed “humour”, bad plot choices, BIG plot holes, bad characterisation, bad inconsistent in-film science… the list goes on. It was a terrible film.

I’ve stayed of Transformers message boards of any description for a few years now, as it was getting boring watching fans argue amongst themselves about everything from Beast Wars to the colour of Optimus Prime’s wall paper. (for the record I love Beast Wars, intelligent plot and great characters, who cars if Prime is a monkey and not a truck? It’s heads above the old cartoon). Recently though I decided to sign up to the IDW boards, the publisher of the current TF comics. I’ve lurked on the site since they got the licence, and I’ve bought (and loved) all the comics that they have build into their own little universe. But I didn’t sign up to their boards until rumours started that they have got the GI Joe comic licence.

So, I’ve been posting a bit on there, chatting with other fans about the comic, and inevitably the movie. It’s probably the most sane TF board I have ever been on, although there are still some posters who act cocky or take it as a personal insult that you don’t like their favourite character.

Anyway, someone asked how those of us that hated the live action film would have done it differently, and I came up with a very rough, quick plot that I believe sticks to the core of what Transformers is about: 2 factions of warring robots who then crash on earth and become “Robots In Disguise”.

So, for no reason other than I can, I am posting up my quick, rough, Michael Bay beating idea for a TF movie:

I’d start out with the basic concept: two warring factions of alien beings. The film would start mid-civil war on Cybertron, a voice over explaining how it came to war (or even the easy way out: the war has been going that long no one can remember why it started). Some Autobots would then leave the planet for whatever reason (searching for energon perhaps) and would be followed by a bunch of Decepticons. Prime would be sent with the Autobots, he would be high ranking but not the highest (Xaaron being the highest). Megatron would stubbornly lead his troops after the Autobots, much against the wishes of his second in command, Shockwave, purely for the fact he wants Prime for himself (some personal history between the two).

A battle ensues in deep space, both ships get knocked off course and crash land on earth, far in the past.

Skip to present day and the Decepticons are already hidden amongst human society. They are covertly gathering resources to re-build their ship and to re-power those that are still deactivated. Elsewhere on the planet the Autobots are revived, but they too don’t have the power to rebuild their ship or re-power everyone on board.

The military (be it US, combined forces, whatever) get reports of shape changing robots and keep it covered up, but over the years reports of shape changing robots have been seen as urban-legends. The Autobots intercept transmissions about this and realise it must be the Decepticons. Prime naively decides to reveal the Autobots presence to the Military, who then attack the Autobots thinking they are a threat. The Autobots retreat, not wanting to harm the humans, somehow along the way Bumblebee gets lost from the rest and ends up meeting Spike and his dad, a mechanic.

The Decepticons, having seen the extent of the military’s fire power, now launch a full attack to take what they need to leave the planet. This will be the big reveal moment when vehicles already seen in the film will turn out to be Decepticons (such as jets the military already used against the Autobots, tanks, presidential vehicles, tanker trucks etc anything where the Decepticons could have hidden and gathered knowledge to their advantage). All over the world Decepticon cells reveal themselves, destroying military installations and taking what resources they need, re-powering their deactivated comrades. Outnumbered, the Autobots fight back, alongside the human military, and eventually defeat the Decepticons.

Leaving the war raging back on Cybertron would set up the next film to either have more Transformers reach earth, or to have Prime and crew return to find the war still raging worse than ever. Possibly even have Shockwave ruling Cybertron and the Autobots being a resistance.

That’s what I’d do anyway! Now I shall go do something more important like solve world hunger, bring about world peace, and open a donkey sanctuary!

Nothing to do with comics!

Had a lovely Mother’s Day today, took my mum to Scarborough as the weather was good and we both love the coast. Had a wander around the shops, went for a meal and then wandered down the sea front for Waffles and Ice Cream. Then had a drive round to the North bay, driving along the seafront watching the crashing waves and the surfers.

Such a nice day and although it made me happy it also made me a bit sad.  It made me realise how lonely I am. I love my mum to bits and love spending time with her, she’s funny and laid back and we can have a great laugh (usually at other people’s expense!). But I wish I had someone to share those same moments with in a more intimate way. Someone to sit and cuddle while watching the tide come in. Someone to walk hand in hand with down the sea front. I’ve been single for just over 3 years and thought I was ok with it, but I think I really need to get out and find someone to share life with.

Wandering round Scarborough always brings back a lot of memories of the good old days when my old band used to gig and practice in Scarborough. Without wanting to sound big headed we really were the big fish in a little pond. People asking us to sign CDs, kids staring and pointing at us in shops. Packing out venues and turning people away from gigs. It was all such a brilliant feeling and one of the best periods of my life. Sadly the music scene started to die and for other reasons the band then split up. I’ve already made scribbles in my ideas book about doing a comic based on those times, and today made me think about all that again. Ok, so I lied, this post has a little bit to do with comics!

So yeah, I’m thinking it would be nice to share my life with someone, no rush though. Just as long as it doesn’t take too long!